20-year-old refuses to babysit his dad's wife's 4 young kids so they can honeymoon, wife gets offended over his lack of interest in taking care of them: 'I'm not planning to take on the role of a brother.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 15, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

A lot of families have awkward generation gaps. I know a family that had two daughters two years apart, and had a 3rd daughter 19 years after the middle daughter was born. Talk about a big age gap! You really can't expect your adult children to have the same kind of bond with their decades-younger siblings as they would with a sibling born in the same decade as them, especially one they grew up with. A big part of the sibling bond is the fact that you are the only people who really know what your parents are like, and two sisters born 20 years apart grow up with very different parents, even if those parents are the same people in name. A 20-year-old mom and a 40-year-old mom are not going to parent their kids the same way, and that's okay! Siblings can find other ways to bond even with a big age gap between them. 

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  • The mom in this story found a surefire way to make sure her 4 kids and her husband's adult son wouldn't bond…by pressuring him into babysitting all of them (all of whom are under the age of 7) so that she and his dad could have a proper honeymoon.

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    Cheezburger Image 10494238464
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not playing an active role in the lives of my dad's future stepkids?

    My dad raised me (20m) on his own. He was single the whole time once my mom left when I was still a baby. He started dating someone after I moved out. Her name's Jessa and she has four younger kids under 7. Jessa and
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
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    Cheezburger Image 10494252032
    via Helena Lopes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    my dad moved in together last August and they're getting married this August. I met them when I went back home for Christmas. But I didn't spend a lot of time with them. I was more focused on spending some time with my dad.
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
  • 05
    Apparently Jessa has been frustrated ever since that I don't play any kind of active role in her kids' lives. My grandparents mentioned her and dad were bickering about it. That dad reminded her I was grown and in college and focusing on my
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
  • 06
    future. She was even more frustrated when I didn't offer to babysit the kids so dad and Jessa could go on honeymoon. She's talked about how I should at least call and get to know her kids that way and make an effort to do something for their birthdays. She wants me to play the role of a brother and she's talked about how disinterested I appear to be in her kids.
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
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    Cheezburger Image 10494252544
    via Blake Cheek (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    The truth is I am. These kids will be around so I'll be nice to them when I move close to home after graduation. But I'm not planning to take on the role of a brother. Being nice is just a given but the age gap is huge and I'm used to being an only child. My
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
  • 09
    grandparents told me that's all anyone would expect of me but I can see Jessa isn't. Apparently dad's okay with it. He never pressured me to spend time with his future stepkids and he's not ped at me. AITA though?
    via u/Spare_Issue2157
  • 10
    SonOfSchrute NTA. She's not looking to for an older brother, she wants free childcare. She can right off.
    via u/SonOfSchrute
  • 11
    Diligent-Explorer831 Exactly this. Also expecting someone you barely know to babysit your kids is so weird.
    via u/Diligent-Explorer831
  • 12
    NoGame212 For multiple days - long enough for a honeymoon.
    via u/NoGame212
  • 13
    Oliviafea Her audacity is truly something straight out a comic book, very silly..! You owe her not a thing OP and don't stress it, go on and live your life!
    via u/0liviafea
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    Secondly, it is every parents obligation to take care of their kids and so if your dad raised you alone even as a single parent' it is commendable yes' but don't hold it over yourself as though you now owe him strongly for performing his duty as your father. Live your life and stand in for your own kids just as dad has layed you a fine example
    via u/0liviafea
  • 15
    Much-Recording9444 It goes against basic parental instincts.
    via u/Much-Recording9444
  • 16
    Stock-Cell 1556 She's an incredibly irresponsible mother to think that a 20-year-old guy who barely knows her four very young children is a good choice to take care of them during her honeymoon.
    via u/Stock-Cell1556
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    cinnamongirl73 I was looking for this comment! I'd be more concerned if he DID want to jump right into big brother mode. ?
    via u/cinnamongirl73
  • 18
    Prize_Maximum_8815 In her shoes I'd be concerned about leaving my kids with someone I don't know well. Four young kids is a lot for an experienced parent to handle, let alone a 20 year old only child! Strange...
    via u/Prize_Maximum_8815
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    TheNinjaPixie And sorry if this sounds unkind, but I will never understand why a man who has raised a child and got his life back would choose to raise FOUR under 7's that aren't his?
    via u/TheNinjaPixie
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    AdministrativeSea419 Not unkind at all. When my youngest was ten a coworker got pregnant with her second and her first was 11. The thought of starting over with a baby at that point was horrifying. I don't even want to think about starting over now that he is 17 (shudder)
    via u/AdministrativeSea419
  • 21
    womanly_dromedary87 Your dad seems to understand your position and that's what matters it's good that he's not pushing you
    via u/womanly_dromedary87
  • 22
    5footfilly Yes, but does Dad understand HIS position? What in the world is this man getting himself into?
    via u/5footfilly
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    Organic-Willow2835 That's my question too. He spent his whole adult like being a single father and now he is taking on 4 very young children with a woman who seems to feel incredibly entitled to all possible resources? His life is going to be very difficult when he marries Jessa. OP, your Dad and grandparents have your back. As far as Jessa goes, she can pound sand.
    via u/Organic-Willow2835
  • 24
    CharmedLittle Bet in the future she'd ask him to pay for the kids' college and get them jobs at his place. People like this need to be put in their place ASAP. Total parasite trying to live off someone else's dime
    via u/CharmedLittle
  • 25
    Appropriate-Mud-4450 Not an older brother. A free babysitter. That's all she wants. But it eludes me how he should babysit for them while back in college? Throwing a semester away for some holidays where he is not even going to? Nope.
    via u/Appropriate-Mud-4450
  • 26
    KronkLaSworda NTA and I'm glad that Dad is on your side. > She was even more frustrated when I didn't offer to babysit the kids Here we find the root of her frustration. She was hoping for free baby sitting from you. Sorry, Jessa. You'll have to pay some teenager for that.
    via u/KronkLaSworda

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single dad family drama stepmother babysitter honeymoon stepmom wife single parent babysitting dad family college son college student Father
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